I DID IT!

I can bloody do this!

OK, so I continued to write some more of my book. As mentioned before, next step was putting a funny story down on paper, in the written word in the company of the shadowy but none-the-less scary presence of Self Doubt and Fear.

Well I'm pleased, as are they(self doubt and fear). Reading back over what I had written made me at least smile and definately chuckle. So that's some of the battle right? Miss Confidence is creeping, almost stelth like, along the inside rail, holding on for dear life, toward the unseeable post !

This may seem like a peak in my creative exporation, but it is slow moving and I think I am getting a better gauge on how slow moving it will be - especially when you consider - well - life into the equation.

So that's that! I'm still in me jammies in the middle of the day with too much to do, so creative exploration-pause.

Evening!

It's just too late to be thinking up titles for fecking posts. My brain is slowly switching off, but if I don't do this - well, I want to get into the swing of it - get some consistency going that's sustainable - actually if I got that with life in general I would have it made.

What are you going on about woman?

OK, book progress - it's not bad but it's not great. First chapter with a foreword thingy - 10pages. I'm happy enough with the content so far. It's the next chapter I'm really worried about - the telling of the funny stories.

Will the stories remain funny once put to paper? I mean, face to face I'm a highly expressive, Irish, drama queen that comes from a long line of drama kings and queens. I can do funny live - a lot of the time by accident - but on paper it's like I have a split personality.

I think self doubt is creeping in saying "That was the easy bit, don't think you'll manage the rest." And fear is saying "You're as drole as anything on paper!" Thankfully self doubt and fear do not rule - anymore - for now - well they slipped back a rung maybe two.

I'm crazy busy starting up classes again, but this Saturday, no excuses, I'll have a go.

Night!

Morning...

I have decided to start blogging again - last time I blogged I had to - it was a requirement for a module in my Post Grad. - so I have decided to start again. Why? I don't exactly have a clear answer. I feel too old and have too little friends for Facebook or Bebo - anyway they involve way too much time and effort and I prefer socialising face to face. Its not like anyone reads these things - well OK its not like anyone will read my blog (subliminal mess: 'aahh feel sorry for me-read my blog- ah go on! Please!'). I guess I am exploring the possibilities of blogging and I'll see where it takes me or not take me.

I was up at seven this morning, which is early for me, trying to push myself, moaning and groaning, into a routine. Once your up its grand; the decision to get out from underneath the covers involves every once of power within my being. I'm teaching again this year in adult ed., part-time, but a lot of part time hours, and on top of that I have started to write a book. OH Jesus, Mary and Joseph I've put it out there and now I really hope nobody reads my blog. I'm not going into to it too much at the moment only to say it the absolute opposite of a 'misery memoir' and that the plan is done(ish). I plan to start the first chapter this morning, so universe wish me progress.

Teacher's and writing books eh! OK, OK I'm an English teacher, but I also teach History, Drama and Art and Craft - and now I'm boasting - well feck it I think it is impressive, so there! Anyways the whole writing of the book thing is part of a creative exploration or and more likely an exploration of my creativity. I am a creative person! Until now I have only practiced my creativity in a practical way, ideas (more thinking than doing), survival and so on. Now I really need to give my creative self so much more room and extend it aesthetically. I need to move from having ideas to doing something about them success of failure.

So! I'm a little excited about it and massively terrified and the battles within are getting messy and desperate. Anyways the plan going forward is to take an Art class, enroll in a film production course in the summer, take an acting class, I've already taken Salsa and Set Dancing classes, I take my camera with me everywhere, and this book project. Success or failure!

Oh I know, my blogs can map this journey - well I'll have a go anyways. . .